Not Broken Just Yet
by Krekta
Summary: Very definitely AU, though not my usual one. A foggy day, a 'date' for our heroes, and a double pushchair filled with Harkness-Jones goodness. Chapter one is angsty, but this is an experimental text, so anything could happen in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1 Parked in the Park

**Not Broken Just Yet**

**Chapter One - Parked in the Park**

The park is quiet today. It's foggy, even now, close to lunchtime. The playground is empty apart from me, sat swinging to try and keep warm. I'm glad of the beanie Ianto bought me last un-birthday, even if it's more him than me. Mixed feelings rumble in my chest as I think about that day.

They should be here soon. I said one o'clock, and I'm actually a bit early. I hunch into my greatcoat; it's a bit tatty nowadays. I need to ask Ianto where to take it for repairs.

I'm not sure if this ritual of ours is good for any of us, but it's something we said we'd try. If we don't keep the lines of communication open we may never fix this, and fixing it is the most important thing in my life right now.

Three minutes before one, I spot them approaching through the fog. Ianto is wrapped tight in his black wool coat and the kids are bundled up in the cute little puffa jackets I bought them last month. Beanies seem to be a family look, the kids have gained them while they have been with their Tad.

Ianto is manoeuvring the double pushchair across the playground at a fast pace, obviously eager for us to find somewhere warmer to be as soon as possible. I've given it thought and have decided to take us all to Rompers. The kids love the place, and there's a café we adults can make use of. It's not so long a walk from the park that an argument can take hold, I hope.

I slip off the swing as they get near, striding toward them, my best smile carefully fixed in place. I know my eyes are telling a different story, and that Ianto will see that, but it's my best offer right now. I'm not ashamed of pleading with my eyes especially if there is even the smallest chance it might help us stay civil with each other for an afternoon.

Tegan grins when she sees me and starts wriggling frantically to escape the restraints Ianto has placed her in to keep her safe. Kynan looks to see what has her all fired up, then he too starts protesting his imprisonment. Ianto ignores the squealing and hollering until they reach me. Both of our children reach out from their pushchair, trying to grab onto me. I step as close to them as I can, so they can each grab a leg, knowing this will quiet them.

"Hi hun. How did it go ?"

"They've been okay. Tegan was a bit sickly last night, but she seems to have settled down now".

"That's good".

"Is Rompers okay ?"

"Fine. At least their coffee is passable".

I crouch down in front of our children, tickling and kissing them before we move off in the direction of Rompers. I walk ahead of them all so that the kids can see me and know I'm not going too far away from them now that they have me back in their sights. I'm relieved that the twins have been good for Ianto, and glad to see that he doesn't look too tired.


	2. Chapter 2 Wednesday in Rompers

**Chapter 2 – Rompers on a Wednesday**

It's Wednesday, so Rompers isn't all that busy; we only have to wait in the queue for a couple of minutes. I pay for our tickets, while the twins squeal with excitement and Ianto pulls a face at the racket. Ellen is in the ticket booth; she recognises us all and gives us some coupons to use in the café, which is nice of her. She gets one of my best smiles in thanks, though I know it's Ianto she actually fancies; he's oblivious.

We walk through to the under three's area, which fortunately is also the location of the café. Ianto crouches to unfasten the twins from their pushchair and asks them in Welsh which play space they want to go to first. Tegan responds first, so she gets to pick, and I have enough Welsh to realise they are headed for the ball pool. I'm proud that they both come to grab my hands when they are freed, rather than running off on their own. My son, Kynan, kisses me and my insides curl up with pleasure at the simple and open gesture, though I wish it had been Ianto making that same gesture. I miss his kisses.

When we reach the ball pool we greet the supervising adult, Louise, and then grab a child each and swing them into the netted play pit. They giggle in unison and start bouncing around amongst the brightly coloured spheres. Ianto smiles as our babies roll and wriggle around. He's so handsome when he smiles. Who am I kidding ? He's handsome, period; extra handsome when he smiles.

I go to the counter in the cafe and order us coffees and cakes. Marcus is on duty, and he flutters his eyelashes at me, but I'm immune to everyone except my husband these days. The coupons Ellen gave us save us a pound on our first set of refreshments. I carry everything to our usual table, the one from which we get the best view of where our kids are at.

Ianto takes off his gloves and shoves them into his pocket. We shed our coats; it's always a bit too warm in Rompers for adults to cope with. I watch as he starts to sip his coffee. His lush lips entrance me. I try not to stare. I try not to remember what those lips feel like when they engage with my cock. This isn't the time or place for me to get all hot and bothered. Inappropriate behaviour will induce a freeze out, and that's the last thing I need from Ianto today, or any day really.

I re-focus on our kids. They are happily throwing balls at each other now. I think they are meaning to throw balls _to _each other, but they are not quite co-ordinated enough to achieve that. Or maybe I am wrong and they like pelting each other with the colourful plastic balls. They seem happy, either way.

I wait, letting Ianto choose what we talk about today. I don't really mind what he selects, I just like listening to him speak.


	3. Chapter 3 Smiling at the Moon

**Chapter 3 – Smiling at the Moon**

I drink my coffee and eat my cake. I wait for Ianto to talk to me, but he seems distracted. I wonder for a moment if I have turned invisible, but then our daughter waves to me and I am reassured I have not actually faded away. I wave back and she grins.

"She loves you".

"She loves you too, Ianto, they both do".

"I'm never sure what they are smiling at. Sometimes they look like they are smiling at the wallpaper, or the grass, or the moon".

"I do those things; especially with the moon".

Ianto falls silent again, regarding our babies speculatively. For a moment I want to swear at him, to protest his calculating gaze. Instead I get up and go over to our little ones. Kynan waves his arms at me, which I take as an indication he has had enough of the ball pool and wants out. I grab him up and settle him on my hip. He's drooling, so I use my handkerchief to wipe his mouth clean.

One-handed, I root in the trolley bag and dig out Kynan's drinking cup, taking it to the counter to get it filled with some juice. I'd intended to plonk Kynan on a swing or something next, but he is hanging on hard. I know he'll start screaming if I try to put him down now, so I take a risk and go back to the table with him. Ianto tries his best not to grimace at the move. For him, Rompers is about getting a respite from having to handle the kids, so he is not impressed by my action.

Kynan doesn't let me down, though; he perches on my knee and sucks quietly and appreciatively on his drinking cup, ignoring his fathers. Marcus comes over from the counter and re-fills our coffee cups for us and Ianto quietly starts eating his cake.

I'm getting frustrated. I want Ianto to talk to me. I want to know what he feels about our current situation. Or maybe I don't; not if he is happy with it and wants it to continue. What if he has met someone ? My heart sinks at the very idea of it. It's been nearly four months now; is that long enough for him to find someone else ? Of course it is, Ianto is gorgeous.

I'm gorgeous too, of course, but I'm not 'looking'. Ianto is incomparable. No-one else makes my blood tingle they way he does. No-one else makes my heart and mind spark with so many ideas and visions and emotions. I suddenly realise he might think I've found someone else.

"Ianto, I haven't found anyone". It sounds wrong, stupid, the moment it's said. It makes it seem like _I __have_ been looking. "I've not been looking... I mean, I don't want anyone else... Please Yan..."

"Hush, Jack. Leave it eh ?"

"I am NOT giving up. We can fix this..."

"It's a big fix, Jack. Too big..."

"No !"

I'm trying not to sound desperate or pleading. I doubt it's working. I won't believe we can't fix this, and I am not about to let Ianto believe that either. Somehow we can get through this. If I can just think how.


	4. Chapter 4 Biscuits and Bouncing

**Chapter 4 – Biscuits and Bouncing**

*Come home with us for a while?"

I'd asked without really believing he would agree, but to my amazement he has. I'm trying not to let my wild delight, my hope that we are making progress, shine so bright that it puts Yan off.

I have the pushchair. Ianto is walking beside us. I hope he will notice the admiring glances we are getting as a family.

Ianto is so beautiful. Our children are beautiful too. They have his hair colour, my skin tone, blue eyes and the cutest noses. I love pushing them round town, they always draw admiring glances. I'm so proud of the babies we made. So proud too of the man I married.

Kynan has fallen asleep. Tegan is paying attention though, pointing and clapping whenever we pass an animal, someone's dog usually. I wondered whether to get them a pet, but I decided in the end that they are too young yet. Making a decision like that should be done with Ianto's agreement anyway; I don't want to give him an extra excuse for staying away from us, like being allegic to whatever pet I might choose. He'd probably hate having a pet anyway, what with the hairs and the smells and so on.

We reach the gate and I put in the extra effort needed to get the child-filled pushchair up the slope to the door. To my surprise, Ianto has his key out and he opens the door for us, even helping me to manoeuvere the pushchair over the threshold. This is going much better than I expected.

I take Ianto's coat off him and hang it up. Between us we release the children from their pushchair. His hand grazes mine and I have to resist the urge to grab it and squeeze his fingers. I hoist Kynan out of his seat and carry him upstairs, before he can wake. It's a risk, leaving Tegan and Ianto alone in the hall, but it's rare now for Kynan to sleep in the day and we might do better if Ianto only has one of our babies to deal with, for now. I can tell he's already tensed up and tuckered out from his morning with them.

I see that Tegan has taken charge of her Tad by the time I get back downstairs and is tugging him towards the kitchen. She knows our routines, even though it's been a while since we all were here together like this. I can't help smiling. I wish Ianto would smile too.

Small talk gets strung between awkward silences as I make us some tea. Tegan gestures to show me she wants a biscuit. I check my watch and decide it won't spoil her tea if she has something now. Ianto clearly doesn't approve, though. I deliberately put a plate of biscuits at his elbow for him and start dunking my own into my tea. It's petty, but I can't help myself; if he chides me, at least we'll be communicating, not just filling the distance between us with meaningless pleasantries.

Ianto watches as Tegan sucks at her biscuit. She's doing so well, managing to hold her juice cup in her other hand at the same time. She bestows a huge smile on her Tad; I try not to be jealous, she smiles at me too a lot of the time. It's him she loves most though, I think.

I think of our bed upstairs. It's an out-of-place thing to think of. It's not relevant to our current situation. I need to be glad of getting him into the house, that's progress enough for now. I want to touch him, to kiss him, but those are privileges I'm not confident of trying to claim any more.

I want to ask him to move back in. There's room enough, he could have his own space. He could come and go as he pleases. Even if he wanted to stay out some nights, I'd deal with it...

Tegan disturbs my train of thought. She wants a bounce. "Ianto, would you like to bounce her?" It slips out before I can stop it. To my amazement, he rises from his seat and picks our daughter up out of her high chair. The look he gives her as he lifts her rips at my heart, though.

He bounces our baby on his knee. She smiles and wafts her hands around. He wiggles her from side to side, a gesture that should elicit giggles. She stays silent, as always. He keeps trying though, bless him. He tosses her up and catches her again. He rubs noses with her. Not a sound.

Finally he puts her back in her chair and flops back down on his own seat. He heaves a huge sigh. "How do you cope, Jack?" He asks me. His voice is shaky and his eyes are dull and damp. "How do you stand the silence?"


End file.
